I Googled burnout this afternoon, a nerdy step that was only natural for my obsessive researching tendency. It turns out most of the results are “get to know your feelings” type articles, or they’re scientific papers published by NASA. I skipped the psychobabble, but between treatises on Newtonian Physics I did discover an article on A List Apart. Oddly my favorite web design resource has published articles on burnout as well.

How do I plan to deal with this setback? Well the Sox are playing the Yankees all weekend. And I have been contemplating buying a new flat screen TV. So perhaps a few beers, a mid-day nap and some Fenway highlights on a flatscreen (either a new one in the living room or across from my usual seat at The Tavern.)

I am deep into the self-assessment tools I compiled from a handful of application books. For those of you searching for good references, The Best Business Schools Admissions Secrets gets you on the right path, but A.V. Gordon’s MBA Admissions Strategy is the most thorough tool I have found. Chicago’s Rose Martinelli is an outspoken proponent of self-assessment as well and offers a few helpful thoughts of her own on the subject.

With my self-assessment and GMAT on going, I have yet to approach my recommenders and I am still developing the themes I want to target. So it is looking like I will submit a barrage of applications in January. I had hoped to submit my apps to mid-western schools in October and use the rest of the fall to visit California and visit a few schools as I prepared my final essays. But my sub-par quant performance on the first GMAT has made that timeline a bit of a squeeze.

I’m taking some solace in the hours of MBA Podcaster Admissions interviews I have listened to on my commute, and the hundreds of pages I have read, both online and in various books, claiming decisions are unbiased between rounds one and two. Let’s face it though, an average quant scoring songwriter who gets an application in weeks ahead of the round one deadline looks a bit more appealing than one who submits the week of round two. The delay lives up to the stereotype of the lacksidasical musician. Having had my head down in full bore MBA prep mode since late March it is a bit disappointing to now be risking that carefree label.

GMAT day I drove downtown listening to Liz Pappademas’ “Keep Going West” on repeat. Pearson VUE has security to get inside the building, to get up the elevator and then to get into the office. Half a dozen palm prints later I walked out with my unofficial 710. What was ridiculous was the Quant/Verbal split. While my Quant came in at a barely respectable (and average performance at best) 40, my Verbal hit an all-time high of 49 (99th percentile). What does that mean? I spent the week trying to decide. MBA friends, MGMAT advisors, consultants, everyone seems in agreement, I’m taking the GMAT again.

So tomorrow I sit down with a Manhattan GMAT analyst to plan out how to approach the next 4-6 weeks. I had hoped to spend the next two months in undisturbed essay mode refining my applications for round one deadlines, but now I can count on pushing back several, if not all of those applications to round two. Most resources claim there is little to no difference between round one and two. Having a handle on my future in December instead of March would have been pretty awesome though. As it is I’m trying stay positive. I’ve got a 710 in the bag, I’m working towards a better math percentile, and I have time to put together my best possible application. I just hope I can count on MGMAT to give me straighter results going forward so that I will know where I stand.

I have spent 200 hours with a set of earplugs blocking out the Cheers reruns, Saturday house cleanings, and my wife’s giggling after-work phone conversations with friends. A good set of earplugs is similar to standing on a mountaintop. They create an almost uncomfortable silence that allows your mind to drift. There is simply a void that allows random thoughts to rush in and fill the space with unexpected memories, embarrassments, frustrations, and joys. In these situations my mind loves to release a flood of doubts.

In music there are moments when you realize you are good, you get a flash that everything is falling into place and the realization shifts your mood from transcendental jubilation to second guessing prevention. Instead of allowing yourself to remain lost in a perfect moment, you begin worrying about how you’re going to ruin that moment. And that fear of ruining the moment inevitably causes you to ruin the moment.

In the past few weeks I have seen my scores, those “soon to sky rocket by leaps and bounds” scores, flat line well below my goals. Suddenly that perfect musical moment has become something I am frightfully struggling to retain. In the application process this translates to personal doubts of my candidacy and abilities. Have I overstepped my abilities? Have I misled myself on my talents? Have I made it twenty-eight years into life before recognizing that I am, in fact, not exceptional?

I’ve found this hard to explain to others, and in most cases have simply elected not to say anything. How could anyone proclaim their desire to be “exceptional” or to “make a difference” without sounding like a megalomaniac? To be honest, previous to an MBA my desired life trajectory was pointed at rock stardom, so I probably am a megalomaniac. But still, how does one self-evaluate their quality and ability? Do I deserve to get into Chicago Booth? Absolutely. Could I excel at Stanford? Without question. Will I ever set foot in their door? I have no idea. In fact, in light of my recent performance I’m feeling like maybe the answer is no. And after several years of soul searching that led me to this undertaking, I don’t know where that uncertainty puts me.

Barring that minor complaint though, both of my instructors are extremely good at breaking down ideas or arguments and explaining them in simple clear terms. I initially hesitated to enroll in an online class because I doubted the ability of the format to communicate the material as well as a live class. But the format of online interaction includes a chat window to the side of the explanation board, and ways for students to raise their hand to speak, as well as the ability to poll answer results and then try to take arguments from each answer to prove/disprove that choice. It seems to be an extremely well adapted format to the medium, and because there is no video component you can sit in class in your boxers. There is also the added bonus of not having to arrive 30 minutes early to find parking and possibly have it validated.

Overall I think the class is most likely a very good investment in my preparation to apply to school. I don’t intend to do a weekly review, but if anything in the class stands out as worth mentioning I will bring it up. Now back to studying before I have to leave for work.

I’ll be hopping on a plane tomorrow and plan to read through most of Isiainso’s book over the next week. I will be posting a review of both books here shortly, though Montauk’s book may take another couple of weeks since it is about as long as the King James Bible I got for 6th grade confirmation.

• 8 topic based review books authored by Manhattan GMAT, 5 on quantitative subjects and 3 on verbal.
• 3 Official GMAT books, the review guide, quantitative review, and verbal review
• An application strategy guide from MBA Mission consultants
• Headset with microphone for participating in the online course
• Stopwatch for timing problem sets
• Replica dry erase test simulation booklet (no paper is allowed in the GMAT)

They also have a significant amount of the course online including 6 practice exams, topic specific question banks, archived challenge problems, labs for each online class, free access to GMAT Write software for essay preparation, available weekly office hours, and a number of downloads including a really helpful pivot table for tracking your progress through the Official GMAT Review books.

It is really an overwhelming amount of material, but counting 3 hours for class every week I am anticipating anywhere from 12 to 20 hours of work per week for 9 weeks plus a personal review at the end. That could mean upwards of 200 hours of preparation! I have self diagnosed some really specific issues I need to address, like sentence correction, along with a general review of material so this course should be a big help.

The first GMAT practice exam, which I took cold, I scored a 610. The homework on arrival to my first Manhattan GMAT class is to have taken the first of their provided practice tests. So the two scores combined should give me a pretty solid baseline of my abilities at the start. I would like to see a final score hovering around 720, probably in part because I am being cocky, but also because it puts me over the hump of average GMAT scores for every school I am considering.

I will be discussing my own preparation as well as my experience with Manhattan GMAT as the course progresses. In the mean time, good luck to anyone out there undertaking their own preparation.

1. MBA Podcaster
MBA Podcaster has built up a wealth of interviews, discussions, and guidance on every aspect of the MBA admissions process. It has helped me generate heuristics for part time vs full time, evaluating MBA ROI and performing self evaluations for getting into top schools along with a wealth of information. Each podcast tends to run between 15 to 25 minutes which is great for my commute. I just load them up on my Blackberry and listen to them on the way to work.

2. Clear Admit Blog
Clear Admit is an MBA Admissions Consultancy, but they have also compiled one of the most thorough resources on the web for information on top programs. Each time I begin to research a new school I read the full summaries and any available articles on the Clear Admit blog.

3. Stacy Blackman Consulting Blog
Stacy Blackman is another admissions consultancy, and their corresponding blog has a few great tools. Most notably there is an extensive section on essay tips for current essay questions from most top MBA programs.

4. Business Week MBA Insider
Most of the major financial publications have rankings and information on top business schools and MBA programs, but Business week does a great job getting info on specific school admissions and student profiles to help you narrow your search as well as determine your chances of getting in.

I have found a bit of entertainment though in finding underlying themes and philosophies. Some schools string them like Easter eggs throughout the text, Darden gently reminds you they place emphasis on Ethics, and Haas at Berkley bludgeons readers over the head by repeating the word “innovation” until there is no doubt what the school values.

Several top ranked schools no longer offer mailed viewbooks, instead opting for .PDF downloads. While I can respect the green mission in reduction of waste and the cut in operating costs, as a prospective student about to invest 100K in a school I will be associated with for life I want to feel my interest is catered to. And just as importantly, as a student interested in Marketing I want to see the University’s best marketing pitch.

It is early in the process but I will make note of anything interesting that stands out.

I was particularly intrigued by their offered office hours each week. As a registered student I am entitled to a half hour of one on one time with instructors each week to help me through homework and other GMAT questions. Class starts in about a month and I will post updates on my general take on the process and quality.